​​Falling in love was great.  You idealized each other, everything seemed easy and effortless.  Differences seemed unimportant (and sometimes exciting).  You loved, and you felt loved in return. The "Love Circuits" in your brain were on overdrive.  You started making  little concessions, becoming an "Us''.   Most of us didn't get a formal education on relationships, and most people don’t know where to start when things start changing.

But then life got more complex.  Your schedules and routines changed.  Careers got started (or not).  Kids come along. Work, friends, family got harder to juggle.  You discovered that when  you start living with somebody, the differences in managing life and coping with stress start showing up more often.  

Positive moments got harder to create.  Comments took on a new new tone. Frustrations grew and apologies didn't seem to work anymore.  Maybe you made some changes with your life and your partner didn't.  Differences started getting in the way; maybe your tolerance level for messiness might have been different, maybe one of you wanted to mix work and play and the other liked to get things done first and then relax.  Maybe one of you likes to just go with the flow and the other is always worried about what's next.
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​Now you're overwhelmed.  You don't feel appreciated.  Kids come along, careers take off (or not), and schedules get out of sync.   As life got more complicated, you may have been the one doing more and more.  Work and taking care of others or just having a hard time saying no to people may have left you exhausted
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Now you've shut down.  You're walking on eggshells.  Your arguments may have escalated and now ugly and painful things are said and done - resentment builds up.  You may have tried to make changes but they don't stick and gridlock sets in.  Disagreements would escalate or be ignored and the cycle just continued.

​Now you've  disconnected, more like roommates.  You're not in love anymore.  Somewhere along the line you became roommates or just parenting partners. Maybe you got so caught up in the day-to-day grind that you stopped taking care of yourself and your connections with each other.

​You might be leading separate lives now- going into separate parts of the house, one or both of you more connected to your phone or TV. Those dreams you had might seem gone forever and any happy moments are long behind.

You might be stuck arguing and miss the passion, romance and intimacy.
 
Or, maybe an Affair has happened. Maybe the "Divorce" word is being used.   Infidelity can be a deathblow to self-esteem and a relationship.  But it can also be used as a wake-up call.  We often hear things like:

​"I wanted us to get help a long time ago but  but my partner refused, so now it's too late!"  OR

"They're the one who needs therapy, not me.  They need help, because I'm not the problem!"