Gottman Relationship Checkup
A simple tool to strengthen your relationship
What is This?
This is a sample of the Gottman Relationship Checkup questionnaire inspired by the work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman, renowned relationship researchers. This online tool is to help you look at your relationship across key areas that research shows are essential for long-term happiness.
Important Note
This is NOT the official Gottman Relationship Checkup. The official tool is a comprehensive, proprietary assessment used by certified therapists. This is a simplified, self-guided version designed to help couples start meaningful conversations about their relationship.
How It Works
The checkup takes 20-30 minutes and covers 6 essential relationship areas:
Knowing Each Other
Understanding your partner's inner world, dreams, and daily life
Appreciation and Respect
Expressing gratitude and admiration for each other
Emotional Connection
Responding to each other's bids for attention and support
Handling Conflict
Managing disagreements constructively without criticism or contempt
Trust and Commitment
Building safety, honesty, and long-term dedication
Intimacy
Maintaining physical and emotional closeness
Instructions
- Complete independently: Both partners should answer separately without discussing responses first
- Be honest: There are no right or wrong answers, only honest reflections
- Use the 1-5 scale: 1 = Strongly Disagree, 5 = Strongly Agree
- Compare together: After completing, sit down together to discuss your results
- Focus on understanding: Use differences as opportunities to learn, not to argue
What You Will Get
After completing the checkup, you will receive:
- Scores for each relationship area (out of 5)
- Visual indicators showing strengths and growth areas
- Clear guidance on what your scores mean
Interpreting Your Results
Scores of 4+: These are your relationship strengths. Celebrate these areas!
Scores of 3-4: Good areas with room for improvement.
Scores below 3: Growth areas that need attention and discussion.
When to Seek Professional Help
Please seek help from a licensed couples therapist if:
- You are experiencing safety concerns or abuse
- Multiple areas score very low
- You are unable to discuss results calmly
- You are dealing with infidelity, addiction, or major trauma
This tool is for educational purposes only and does not replace professional counseling.
Relationship Checkup
Answer honestly. Both partners should complete separately.