Individual and Couples Counseling for Improving Communication and Restoring Emotional Closeness

10 Common Communication Mistakes to Avoid

Keeping sight of the Vision -Raising Healthy Kids Together

Marriage Counseling After an Affair and Cheating - Rebuilding Trust
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Emotionally Focused Therapy

(EFT)

Pragmatic Experiential Therapy

(PET-C)

Gottman Method

​(Sound Relationship House)

Interpersonal Psychotherapy

​ (IPT)

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING

Are you or your spouse considering divorce, but are not completely sure if it’s the right path for you?

Do you want to give your marriage another chance, even though one of you is moving toward divorce?

It may make sense to take one more look at your relationship before making a permanent decision with long-term consequences​
How is Discernment counseling different than marriage counseling?
​Unlike traditional marriage counseling that assumes that both people are willing to work on the marriage, discernment counseling helps people decide whether to work on their marriage or keep moving towards divorce.

Unlike individual counseling that usually takes one person's side, the discernment counselor works to understand both partners, even if they see things very differently.

Discernment counseling meets with each of you individually to explore and address your concerns and viewpoints. Marriage counseling  usually has both partners in the room together, working on their problems together. 
3 outcomes
How does the process work?
Using a mix of meeting with both of you together and individually (as schedules allow), we will go over with both of you what's been good (and bad) about the marriage.  We"ll look at what you've done to iron out your difficulties.  We will go over with you the individual skills and relationship skills that may have been lacking in your attempts to "fix it".  

We will look at what the specific areas that you get stuck and what the time frame was on things getting to the point where divorce is an option. 

After that, we will look at the three options for the next step -- staying in the marriage as it is, moving toward a divorce, or trying a reconciliation path in which you agree to work on the marriage via traditional individual and couples therapy.
focus on building your friendship - built on  a strong sense of positivty and connectedness
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​1. Build Love Maps. (Maintain a sense of curiosity about each other)
The foundation of any relationship, building and updating your understanding of each others world and what shaped their vision of life, of marriage, of family, of career.  Make it a point to put electronics aside and have some space to be vulnerable with each other.

2. Share Fondness and Admiration on a regular basis
Take the time to learn how your partner like to be appreciated, teased, comforted, challenged and criticized.   Couples that take the time to develop this kind of understanding of each other are more likely to problem solve effectively. 

3. Making Intentional time with each other to ..............
Pay attention to your partner’s bids for connection and be sensitive about how you respond. Rather than turn away from your partner, you can choose to turn toward your partner and tune in to how they express their emotional needs. When partners express concern and support for one another, they make positive deposits into an “emotional bank account.”


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5. Manage Conflict
Couples learn about the difference between problems that can be solved and perpetual problems that will always be a part of your life. When problems are perpetual they are at risk for gridlock and the issue is not resolvable (John Gottman discovered that 69% of problems between couples are perpetual). Thus, while you cannot solve every problem, you can learn constructive ways to better tolerate tension, increase respect, and effectively manage conflict with your partner.

6. Make Life Dreams & Aspirations Come True
Positive affect can be intentionally built by incorporating fun, play, and adventure into your lives together. Therapy helps partners share their life dreams with one another and work effectively toward making dreams come true.

7. Create Shared Meaning
This level is the attic of the house. With your partner, you create meaning in the relationship through the unique rituals, roles, and symbols you share. Exploring the meaning of words such as “money,” “home,” “sex,” and “friendship” can bring a sense of purpose and intimacy to your connection, as well as deepen your understanding of one another.

8. Trust
One of two structural pillars of the Sound Relationship House, trust is knowing your partner has your back and keeps your best interest in mind.

John Gottman coined the ATTUNE acronym as a basis for fostering trust, which stands for:

Awareness
Turning toward
Tolerance
Understanding
Non-defensive responding
Empathy
Trust is built over a period of time and is an essential component of bolstering against conflict.

9. Commitment
Your partner is your lifelong companion, and commitment reflects that dedication as you journey through life’s ups and downs together. When you hit the low points and obstacles in your relationship, you are willing to put the work in to make it better. Commitment is the second of the two pillars of the Sound Relationship House. The two pillars provide the basis for overall relationship stability and are important components of the House.
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Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) offers clinically proven strategies to help couples renew their trust and build a deeper level of intimacy and connection. ​
​EFT appears to move couples from distress to recovery for 70 to 75% of the cases, and creates improvements in 90% of the couples coming in for therapy. 

Couples facing challenges in their relationship can overcome common obstacles that create distress, including:
  • recovering from affairs
  • intimacy and sexual disorders
  • clashes about finances
  • unproductive, hurtful arguments
  • parenting issues
  • in-law challenges
What are the stages of therapy with EFT?
De-Escalation
The first EFT step is focused on identifying negative interaction patterns that contribute to conflict, identifying negative emotions related to attachment, and reframing those feelings. This process helps couples better see how their insecurities and fears affect their relationship.

Partners view undesirable behaviors (i.e., shutting down or angry escalations) as "protests of disconnection." Couples learn to be emotionally available, empathetic, and engaged with each other, strengthening the attachment bond and creating a safe place between them.

Restructuring
During the next stage, each partner learns to share their emotions and show acceptance and compassion for the other partner. The process attempts to reduce conflict and create a more secure emotional bond.

Couples learn to express deep, underlying emotions from a place of vulnerability and ask for their needs to be met. This step also helps partners become more responsive to each other’s needs.

Consolidation
During the last step, a therapist helps the couple work on new communication strategies and practice skills when interacting with each other. This process can help couples see how they have been able to change and how new interaction patterns prevent conflict.
applying neurobiology and use of experiential therapy to training couples in the skills needed to maintain  successful relationship habits.  seems to package the work of the Gottmans, Harville Hendrix, Sue Johnson, Dick Schwartz plus the many neurobiology advances all into a rather neat experiential protocol.
improve the quality of your relationships and social functioning, to help reduce overall distress.
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3201 Pioneers Blvd. #106  Lincoln Ne. 68502                       402 486-3110