Are you or your spouse considering divorce, but are not completely sure if it’s the right path for you?


Do you want to give your marriage another chance, even though one of you is moving toward divorce?


It may make sense to take one more look at your relationship before making a permanent decision with long-term consequences.

Discernment Counseling

​There are probably plenty of reasons why you've stayed in an unhappy marriage;  maybe holding on to hope things will get better or staying for the kids.   Maybe you were waiting for a specific moment when you would  know that you should leave;  but ended up feeling more lonely, overwhelmed and scared about what comes next.

You may have been the one not saying anything for fear of hurting the other person, or just wanted to keep the peace.  They typically have a tougher time expressing emotions.  One or both of you may have immersed yourself in your work or other activity and become emotionally disconnected with each other. 

Couples typically wait an average of six years in an unhappy marriage before seeking help,  according to the Seattle-based Gottman Institute. What may seem to you as 'unfixable', may be worth another look.

This is Not Marriage Counseling!

This is to help you:

  • ​Explore how you got to this point in your relationship.
  • Take a look at whether past counseling has been helpful or detrimental. 
  • Examine all options about possible next steps:

3 Possible Paths


Path One:       Stay the Same – Do nothing and decide later.

Path Two:      Make an informed and ideally mutual decision to divorce, and find professionals who can help you have a constructive divorce; or
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Path Three:   Decide on a reconciliation plan to wholeheartedly work on renewing the marriage.
How is Discernment counseling different than marriage counseling?
  • Unlike traditional marriage counseling that assumes that both people are willing to work on the marriage, discernment counseling helps people decide whether to work on their marriage or keep moving towards divorce.
  • Unlike individual counseling that usually takes one person's side, the discernment counselor works to understand both partners, even if they see things very differently.
  •  Discernment counseling meets with each of you individually to explore and address your concerns and viewpoints. Marriage counseling  usually has both partners in the room together, working on their problems together. 
Who is discernment counseling for?
  • Discernment Counseling is for people who are considering divorce but are not completely sure if it's the right path for them. They want to take one more look before making a permanent decision with long term consequences. You can read more about this short term process below.
What is the goal of Discernment Counseling?
  • Our goal is to help both of you see their individual contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. Understanding one’s own contributions to the problems can be important to the success of future relationships even if this one ends.
How does the process work?
  • Using a mix of meeting together and individually (as schedules allow), we will go over with both of you what's been good (and bad) about the marriage and what they've done to iron out their difficulties.  We will go over with you the individual skills and relationship skills that may have been lacking in your attempts to "fix it".  We will look at what the specific areas that you get stuck and what the time frame on things getting to the point where divorce is an option. 
  • After that, we will look at the three options for the next step -- staying in the marriage as it is, moving toward a divorce, or trying a reconciliation path in which you agree to work on the marriage via traditional individual and couples therapy.

Interested in learning more or would like to schedule an appointment? ​